“Do you really need to be talented or even intelligent to achieve great things in life??? I don’t think so. What matters is determination. If you are determined enough, nothing can stop you from being an achiever!!!! I was an average student throughout my career. I got into IIT, to do my masters. It was all because of my determination”, she said and smiled.
That was an inspiring quote from a talented woman engineer at Xilinx. She had faced a lot of difficult situations in her personal life, and had the courage to fight those situations and be successful. She is always cheerful and happy and supported me emotionally during difficult phase of my life.
Feels great to have a friend like her.
I’m writing this post more than a week after my birthday, but I thought there is something special this time, which is worth mentioning. This year, I celebrated the bithday with someone really special, my fiance!!!! The strange part of it is that, both of celebrated our birthday at the same time.
He was born on 21st Nov and I was born on 22nd Nov. As he is at Michigan, When its 22nd November for me, due to time zone differences, it’s still 21st for him. There was another name added to my birthday cake this year!!!!!! The happiness doubled!!!! This is amazing.
Today, I write this blog-post with lot of pain and agony. It was the same day a year ago, that my mother passed away. I was with her, when she breathed her last. She was unconscious, and was struggling to breathe for some time. When she stopped breathing, we all knew that she was no more. It was the most painful day of my life. Sometimes, I breakdown emotionally, when I think of it.
It’s been really hard for the entire family, especially my father, to bear with the loss. We feel her absence every minute.
“Mother though you leave us, your memories still remain fresh in the depths of our hearts. I miss you every moment of my life. You were the source of inspiration to me. Without your motivation, I would not have been what I am today.”
Couple of days back, I had met one of my relatives. The lady was surprised to see me. She had seen me a year ago. She was saying “You have gone down quite drastically. What is really wrong with you???”. I could hardly speak, when she had asked me. I fumbled as my mind was filled with agony.
It has been about 9 months. I still feel my mother’s absence. I will feel it throughout my life. I pen down these lines today with tears in my eyes, sitting at my office cubicle. I still feel the depression. Sometimes, I cannot take food, due to mental agony. I don’t feel the appetite. Sometimes, I get a shiver when I think of her. Sometimes, I weep a lot. I had developed a kind of irritation and anger in my life. I feel, its difficult to live without her. Nobody can give me the support and courage in life as much as she did. She was the happiness in my life. Yesterday, I had offered a silent prayer to her with a candle near her photo. May her soul rest in peace.
“Mother, You were the source of support and courage in my life. You were my strength. You were everything to me. I miss you a lot. I feel your absence every minute. ”
Her memories still haunt me. She was a great mother. The love and care that she showed was beyond words. She always made sure that I had my food on time. When I was at office, she used to call me every afternoon to see that I had my lunch and in the evening for snacks. When I was stuck after the office hours in the evening, she would call me and ask me to come home soon as she was worried about my safety. Every single day, after coming home from office, I would prepare coffee, sit next to her and share all that happened during the day, about my work, my friends, office, etc. She was a good friend of me, jovial, talkative and we shared many happy moments together. She was a person with lot of patience and would rarely lose her temper under any circumstances. She was the most intelligent person at home and was very good at analysing different situations, giving timely advice and solutions to different problems. In a way, we were very much attached to each other. She was supportive in every aspect of my life irrespective of all the pain that she suffered from Rheumatoid arthritis.
I used to cook food for her, keeping her health and liking in mind. She was quite happy with it, and sometimes used to give a blessing
“Annadata sukhee bhava” (Let happiness be on the person who serves food”).
“Mother, I miss you a lot. I miss all the happy moments that I spent with you, especially the coffee time. I miss all the love and care that you showed me. It’s really sad that you are not with me today”.
It’s really hard and painful. The pain is unimaginable. It’s a pain that would last for a lifetime. It’s a wound that would never heal. It’s a never-ending sorrow. I could not console myself. Nothing in this world can help to overcome the pain. I am not able to digest the fact that she is no more. She was quite healthy, normal and jovial. I feel she has disappeared suddenly. It is really shocking. The loss is irreparable. She will never come back . I will never be able to listen to her voice again. Every minute reminds me of her, and the time that I had spent with her. I feel her absence all the time. I remember her each time I take food, especially coffee. She was very fond of coffee, and we had spent lot of memorable coffee time together. It’s very hard to live without her. Her memories would never fade away.
Motherly love can never be replaced. Words can hardly describe the love that she showed towards me. I was very much attached to her. So much that every single day, I used to share all my happiness and difficulties with her. She listened to all that with lot of patience, irrespective of all her health problems and pain. She stood by me during difficult times in life and gave me lot of strength to fight them. She was “THE MOTIVATING FACTOR” behind all my achievements. She encouraged me to work hard and strive for success in life. Without her motivation, I would not be what I am today.
“Amma, all the achievements that I have on my resume, my education, my M.Tech degree, my job and my success are all because of you. I would like to dedicate it to you”
This is one of the most wonderful pictures taken by me during lifetime. The photograph is taken from Prakasam Barrage at Vijayawada. It was clicked in the evening with sunlight gleaming on waters of the mighty Krishna river. A small boat traveling across adds to the beauty of the pic.